A very thin line double standard

I can't ask the exact same level standards of my girl that I ask within myself.
That is the number two killer of all my relationships...really number 1, but whose really counting?

That double standard is a trip within itself, because my standards state always be honest
always try to be mindful that all cuts are skin deep, especially when emotions are involved,
Always be aware of your lovers dreams and goals
Always push them towards them, but note their progress
Always be aware of the type of company they keep around*

(What I meam by that is, if they deal with negative people on a consistant basis, family or coworkers for example, then you need to take time out so they can relax mentally and emotionally)

Also try to make things as spontaneous as possible - the better the surprise the.better everything will be on the end.

But the crazy part is I DO all these things but strike out when I ask of the same or similar which hurts because I give a lot of energy for lite to nothing
Oh well....

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new day, new directions

,Wow, so I made a bold, and what many consider a foolish decision. I decided to end my relationship. Now, I have a great reason, well reasons but I decided to clear the air on a few things in light of recent things. Oh if, or it should be a matter of when you read this, I'm not gonna "air out" dirty laundry.

According to her, she spoke of marriage and I got afraid and left. That's the furthest thing from the truth, unlike a lot of men, I do want marriage, everything that it represents for one and the other reason is that I hate to do something that's a blessing, (be in love /have a beautiful woman in love with me) for no true reason. We only live once, and I only know to go into one direction so why do something opposite of that?

Now, to answer really why, and when it all fell apart - well its a two part answer. I think I blame myself for some of it, mainly because I'm big on dreams. I want, before I'm married for my fiancee to least start or attempt her dreams. All of my ex's can that I pushed them and aided them in sotarting, achieving or attempting theory dreams and this time would be no different.plans for her to attempt her dream job and career were changed to courthouse marriage ideas.

Now there are two very big things wrong with that situation - one you gave up your dreams just to get married. Which defeats and undermines the core concepts of marriage itself and two, you just wanted a courthouse marriage. I have nothing against a courthouse but....I have friends and family, tons of them, many of them who has known me since I was a child, so there is no way that I'd skip out on the ceremony when I owe it to them. Wise man once said that with friends you loose a part of yourself but gain so much more, which relates here simply because I want them to share each and every victory with me. I don't mind spending money cause its a big investment for the future plus you owe it to your love ones to do things in such a beautiful and masterful way - not half ass it.

But one of the main reasons, was she threw away her dreams, and I had to fight for her to get on track. That's not what I signed up for, I don't want to just skip the exciting parts of marriage andove to have kids, screw that - yes she's a great woman but maybe I'm just still a little young or immature but I can't willingly speed the rest of my life just coming home vs going for our dreams...

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Going forward!! (Yes, it's a Droid adventure)

So I decided to put my faith back into Droid by ditching my psp go. With the iPhone 5 being pushed back to September 2011, it raises hopes of a T-Mobile release. I have to honestly say I truly dislike Droid. Not because I've had almost every iPhone, (only missing the 4) but because they don't really want to compete with the iPhone on all levels. I pay for Netflix on xbox, which has really changed how I interact with my online community, I want to pay for Hulu but the biggest thing stopping me is Droid. Between the glitches, sloppy TMobile support and lack of apps, this is frustrating. I miss being able to go into the apple store, getting a backup, then getting a new phone in about 2-3 hours (I had 16 gigs soo..) but it's a brand new phone. In one week I've went through 3 mytouch 4g's, 2 of them were refurbished and still malfunctions. I am now having some trouble out of my current one I have and the insurance will offer me a one time"upgrade" but life without a dual camera is not life at all. Just as a true camera phone changed things, and twitter, dual camera phones are amazing. I will give T-Mobile credit, I am a data hog. I average 3-4 gigs a month, which means I'd be paying over $140 a month at Att or anywhere else but I'm happy for the most part. I hope that they offer me the galaxy S...but that's wishful thinking.
Till the next time


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