Wednesday, May 11, 2011

new day, new directions

,Wow, so I made a bold, and what many consider a foolish decision. I decided to end my relationship. Now, I have a great reason, well reasons but I decided to clear the air on a few things in light of recent things. Oh if, or it should be a matter of when you read this, I'm not gonna "air out" dirty laundry.

According to her, she spoke of marriage and I got afraid and left. That's the furthest thing from the truth, unlike a lot of men, I do want marriage, everything that it represents for one and the other reason is that I hate to do something that's a blessing, (be in love /have a beautiful woman in love with me) for no true reason. We only live once, and I only know to go into one direction so why do something opposite of that?

Now, to answer really why, and when it all fell apart - well its a two part answer. I think I blame myself for some of it, mainly because I'm big on dreams. I want, before I'm married for my fiancee to least start or attempt her dreams. All of my ex's can that I pushed them and aided them in sotarting, achieving or attempting theory dreams and this time would be no different.plans for her to attempt her dream job and career were changed to courthouse marriage ideas.

Now there are two very big things wrong with that situation - one you gave up your dreams just to get married. Which defeats and undermines the core concepts of marriage itself and two, you just wanted a courthouse marriage. I have nothing against a courthouse but....I have friends and family, tons of them, many of them who has known me since I was a child, so there is no way that I'd skip out on the ceremony when I owe it to them. Wise man once said that with friends you loose a part of yourself but gain so much more, which relates here simply because I want them to share each and every victory with me. I don't mind spending money cause its a big investment for the future plus you owe it to your love ones to do things in such a beautiful and masterful way - not half ass it.

But one of the main reasons, was she threw away her dreams, and I had to fight for her to get on track. That's not what I signed up for, I don't want to just skip the exciting parts of marriage andove to have kids, screw that - yes she's a great woman but maybe I'm just still a little young or immature but I can't willingly speed the rest of my life just coming home vs going for our dreams...
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